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Trouble for the Trolls

The hilarious audiobook for adults narrated by Harry Singers.

Things heat up for Taffy, (a cloned Grey who is dispatched to planet Earth on a mission of cosmic proportions). He has been commanded by his superior to pursue and engage a reptilian renegade, the likes of which almost destroyed the Draconian royal family. The Draconians have made a truce with their neighbors (the Greys), in as much as offering bountiful peace and protection in exchange for Baltazar’s head.

Strap yourself in, and see things from the Grey’s perspective, especially when encountering mankind. Can Taffy save the day, or will the Draconians have him and his leader for dinner?


Report submitted to Galactic High Command for His Supreme Eminence, Zoltak Zan II

Name: Clone 21333 – AKA, Taffy

Monday – 7th July 2027


I have been sent to Earth by Galactic High Command on a very important mission. My job is to locate an enemy of our race, a lizard by the name of Baltazar, and to basically kill him. The boss back home (which is Alpha Sector 3) wants proof of the execution, once the slippery toerag has been caught, and to film his ultimate demise. He vanished near the Earth in 1946. I’ve also been asked to investigate the disappearance of our guys dispatched here in 1947 and of whom never returned.

Galactic High Command

Consequently, they had an older ship compared to mine, but it was light-years ahead of anything the humans possessed. It is unlikely the primitives had efficient arsenal at the time to bring it down. Our team were seeking the rogue reptile. Whether he discovered the ploy and had them eliminated, or the group simply took a detour, is unclear. It is my job to accomplish this assignment as swiftly and effectively as possible. This is my journal of the events and of my own personal visit to the backward world inhabited by semi-intelligent trolls. They’re called humans, but personally I think they look appalling.

Arrival at this pretty-looking marble of a world has been satisfactory. This new saucer the Guv’s supplied is nippy. Yes, it’s small, but the responses on it are just incredible. It’s streamline and can approach speeds beyond that of light. It also has an invisibility cloak, along with super cool weapons. I took the liberty of testing them out whilst on approach to Earth, blasting one of its orbiting artificial tin-can thingies to smithereens and of which had something called ‘VIRGIN’ marked on its side. Goodness knows who ‘VIRGIN’ is but, in the human definition of the word, I guess it has never copulated. There is a dense cloud covering this part of the world and, within no time at all, I am upon a vast superstructure of brick and metal towers spanning the horizon. I engage the invisibility cloak of the ship and have a good nosey around while gliding over this native tribe. Below, crisscrossing the immense chaos of primitive dwellings, I can see the trolls themselves, hectic about their little affairs.

So much smoke and noise! Operating the Super-Snooper, I can hear a chorus of utter garbage emanating from these hominids, and the noise is so deafening and disturbing, I mute the thing, before setting about landing. I want to get a feel for this place first before engaging the mission. Consulting my databanks, I swiftly discover that I am in a place called New York in the USA. Well, this is a good starting point, as my old pals who arrived in 1947 were last reported within this landmass. Also, Baltazar, the reptilian version of Hitler, and who fled his world after his true intentions were exposed, was last tracked here in his scaly ship. The dictator is wanted by the Draconian Royal Family for not only plotting to blow them up, but for also stealing their very latest star ship in his vigil to escape capture.

Approaching planet Earth

Incidentally, The Draconian Empire has put a bounty on his head and though we, The Greys, don’t see eye-to-eye with them, we’ve reached a compromise in attempting to seek, locate and destroy the slippery snake. They also want proof of his demise. Baltazar nearly caused World War 13 with us, wishing to have us enslaved and to serve The Draconian Empire, against the Royal Family’s wishes. However, we managed to bust the greasy croc’s arse and drove him back, along with his weak-minded army, though he was rallying for another attack before things turned very sour for him.

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